Find your voice.
It’s been an emotional rollercoaster of a day.
The day started out well. Went for morning coffee, ended up taking the dog to Sherman Island, drove out to Collinsville for the heck of it. There’s a house for sale in Collinsville, or at least a plot of land. I’m not sure which. But I don’t want to stay in California, so that’s neither here nor there.
Stopped at the store and picked up some household items, including a cute kitchen towel with owls on it that I really didn’t need. But owls. 🦉
Thought about writing. Didn’t. I went the complete opposite way, actually. Started to wonder what kind of delusional journey I was on. Started to think I shouldn’t bother with this. That I don’t know how to do this, that nothing I do is good enough. The doubt kicked in HARD. I’d like to say I don’t know where that came from, but I do.
Sitting in the car with Ryma and her friend this morning, the conversation jumped around, as conversations tend to do, and one minute I’m fine and the next I’m not. Between one thing and another, I kept hearing the voices of my past–I’m worthless. I’m a liar. I’m stupid. I’m a slut. I’m crazy. I’m nothing.
I cried a lot today.
But I’m okay. Because I’m strong. I have a voice. And I won’t be silenced.
I know there’s still a lot to do, but I’ll keep at it.
And I’ll leave with this moment that made me laugh this morning. Because, rollercoaster. I may have cried, but I also laughed.
On the morning coffee run, our super spoiled pitty got a cup of whip. He also got my empty pumpkin loaf bag, but you know there’s always those little bits of the loaf that stick to the sides of the bag. I wish we’d gotten a video, but the best I can offer is this small, grainy pic with my elbow in the way.
He went at the bag, trying to get a crumb that had fallen through, marked by the red arrow. I’ve never seen him try so hard to find that crumb inside a torn up bag. He licked at the cupholder console thing through the bag, and still couldn’t get to the crumb. The look on his face when he realized it was next to his cup … priceless.
Remember to laugh, my friends.
And find your voice. Peace and love, as always.