Find your voice.

It’s been an emotional rollercoaster of a day.

The day started out well. Went for morning coffee, ended up taking the dog to Sherman Island, drove out to Collinsville for the heck of it. There’s a house for sale in Collinsville, or at least a plot of land. I’m not sure which. But I don’t want to stay in California, so that’s neither here nor there.

Stopped at the store and picked up some household items, including a cute kitchen towel with owls on it that I really didn’t need. But owls. 🦉

Thought about writing. Didn’t. I went the complete opposite way, actually. Started to wonder what kind of delusional journey I was on. Started to think I shouldn’t bother with this. That I don’t know how to do this, that nothing I do is good enough. The doubt kicked in HARD. I’d like to say I don’t know where that came from, but I do.

Sitting in the car with Ryma and her friend this morning, the conversation jumped around, as conversations tend to do, and one minute I’m fine and the next I’m not. Between one thing and another, I kept hearing the voices of my past–I’m worthless. I’m a liar. I’m stupid. I’m a slut. I’m crazy. I’m nothing.

I cried a lot today.

But I’m okay. Because I’m strong. I have a voice. And I won’t be silenced.

I know there’s still a lot to do, but I’ll keep at it.

And I’ll leave with this moment that made me laugh this morning. Because, rollercoaster. I may have cried, but I also laughed.

Starbucks, Debo, and the small crumb of pumpkin loaf.

On the morning coffee run, our super spoiled pitty got a cup of whip. He also got my empty pumpkin loaf bag, but you know there’s always those little bits of the loaf that stick to the sides of the bag. I wish we’d gotten a video, but the best I can offer is this small, grainy pic with my elbow in the way.

He went at the bag, trying to get a crumb that had fallen through, marked by the red arrow. I’ve never seen him try so hard to find that crumb inside a torn up bag. He licked at the cupholder console thing through the bag, and still couldn’t get to the crumb. The look on his face when he realized it was next to his cup … priceless.

Remember to laugh, my friends.

And find your voice. Peace and love, as always.

4 Responses

  1. Deanna says:

    I’m late to respond but it doesn’t matter because this is true every day and always will be.

    You are worth so much to me. I admire how brave you are, how accepting and tolerant, how your written words and your daily actions speak to and foster the best within us, how you live your values and serve as an example without evoking shame.

    I see the strength and fortitude it takes to be gentle in a world that doesn’t always give that back, and admire how you do it anyway. I admire that, respect that, love that. And you.

    • viv s says:

      Never too late to respond! Thank you so much. You are such an inspiration to me, both in writing and in living. Love you, too.

  2. You absolutely are not delusional, and your writing voice is important. You’re on an amazing journey to create and grow and share.

    There’s always doubt involved with these sorts of things. It’s never easy to do something different, scary and challenging, but you have a unique, awesome perspective that no one else can bring to the world. And it should not be silenced.

    You have infinite worth, were created for a purpose, and are where you are because you have worked so hard and overcome so much.

    And at the end of the day, I always believe that writing is first and foremost for the writer. You’re on this journey for yourself. No matter what happens with it, you’ll be enriched and grow from the experience.

    But I know that there are many already who love going along on the journey with you and enjoy seeing what you write next.

    Like me.

    I think there’ll be lots more to join us along the way. 🙂

    Hugs and lots of support, sweetie. You. can. do. this.

    • viv s says:

      Thank you! I appreciate the support. I know I can do it. As I said, I won’t be silenced, so don’t worry. Some days are just rougher around the edges than others. Thank you! ❤️

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